Over the years I would never of been an anxious or worried person, I got on with life with a 'everything will work out' attitude! In early 2015, I was complaining of feeling sick, dizzy and tired, I visited my doctor who said I looked fine and that nothing appeared to be wrong, after a visit to my dentist she discovered I had a bad tooth infection which was causing my symptoms. I took two separate courses of antibiotics to get rid of the infection, finally my sick feeling and constant dizziness were gone. Then I started getting extremely bad headaches, they started off by about 5 in the afternoon and soon progressed so starting at 1 in the afternoon, after googling my symptoms I was pretty worried. Another visit to my doctor led to more antibiotics, this time for a sinus infection. What I didn't know was how crap antibiotics left people feeling as if never had to take any before.
The next few weeks I felt sick every time I ate, tired all the time, had no energy to even get up off the chair, came out in the worst acne ever and was in a complete state of worry all the time thinking I was seriously ill! Eventually it was said to me that I might of been lacking something and that I should see a woman in Carrickmacross that would be able to tell me. I made the appointment and headed to see her. She was able to tell me that I was gluten and dairy intolerant, very low in magnesium and that my sinus infection wasn't completely cleared up. So I took the supplements she gave me and cut gluten and dairy out of my diet.... finally I was feeling better. I returned to work, I was waitressing in a hotel at the time. I wasn't particularly happy in my job anyway, but I had always gotten on with it. This time though something was different. I felt as though I was floating when I went into work for the first few hours and was very shaky which I'd never been before, not good when you are carrying trays of glasses or delicate cups! I made the decision to leave my job and take time out.
It was shortly after that, that things moved up a knotch. At night I'd just be in bed so tired and wanting to sleep, when I would feel as though someone was sitting on my chest and as though at any second I'd take my last breath. I jumped out of bed in such a panic night after night, many times at 4 in the morning I'd be sitting on my couch in my kitchen crying down the phone to my boyfriend as I couldn't catch my breath! My biggest fear was dying on my own while everyone in the house was asleep. God love him he would stay up on the phone with me for hours talking to calm me down. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't just at night it would happen, I could be having my dinner at the kitchen table when my chest would just knot up or popping onto the shop to get something, I'd freeze and that dreaded anxious sick feeling would just be so overwhelming! It got to a stage where I just wouldn't leave the house at all. I went back to my doctor and she sent me to A&E as she thought I might have a clot in my lung, thankfully all the tests came back clear. I was sent home but my symptoms continued. Eventually I went back to my doctors explaining the way I was, that was when she told me it sounded as though I was having panic attacks and anxiety.
I cried in the doctors telling her how sick I was of feeling constantly like something was going to happen me, everyday was a battle from morning til night, trying to get to sleep and I was fed up! At 21 I wanted to celebrate my big birthday and enjoy my first summer with no work in 4 years. To be honest I could never see me been back to normal and been able to enjoy and do the things I always did without worrying! It's crazy how the littlest things became such a big deal for me.
I got an appointment with a woman called Rosario Nolan in Navan, that specialised in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. She is amazing at what she does. She went through with me the symptoms I get from an anxiety attack and why I do feel the symptoms I do and how to deal with them. I basically worry a lot about my health which causes a lot of my anxiety to happen, along with worrying about been in crowd and not been able to get out in time. I was with Rosario for about 3 months in which time I felt so much better. I had gotten my hair done in a hairdressers which I hadn't been able to bring myself to do and had also been out shopping in a shopping centre which I also put off doing cause of the crowds. I felt proud of myself and soon realised that I was in control of my anxiety and was no longer going to let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do.
That was a whole year ago, I am definitely dealing with my anxiety so much better now, yes at times it can get the better of me and it's still something I have to deal with but I'm a lot stronger towards it now! This year I've done things that to even dream of last year would of frightened the hell out of me, I went to Canada which was my biggest achievement, an 8 hour flight without taking any medication, I seen Rihanna in the Aviva which I was slightly nervous about the crowd but I did it, and qualified as a Nail Technician.
One thing I have learned over the past year is I'm stronger than I ever thought I was or could be and I'm extremely lucky to have such a supportive mother and boyfriend in my life. What shocks me is how many people have such a negative attitude towards people with mental health problems, I have been called crazy and been told I shouldn't have anxiety as I've an amazing boyfriend and nothing to worry about, so in my opinion people need to be educated about mental health and why people suffer with it!
I really hope my post helps any of you out there dealing with mental health problems and feeling alone. Know what there are many caring people around you that will help just give them a chance too.
Talk to you all soon X
Catherine
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